Tag: decades

I’m 66 and the thing that broke me open this year was not a loss or a diagnosis or anything large — it was my grandson falling asleep on my chest on an ordinary afternoon, his whole small weight trusting me completely, and I sat there unable to move and understood that this is what all of it was for, not the career or the mortgage or the decades of doing the right thing, just this, just him, just now
Psychology says the loneliness that arrives after 65 isn’t an inevitable feature of aging — it’s the accumulated result of every friendship that was allowed to thin, every phone call that was delayed, every invitation that wasn’t extended, compounded quietly over decades until the social life that once maintained itself without effort requires more effort than it has ever required and more energy than is currently available
I asked my mother what she thinks about when she looks at old photographs of herself and she said “I think about how worried I was and how little of it mattered” — and the simplicity of that sentence from a woman who spent decades carrying everything has been sitting in my chest for three weeks because it contains a permission I’m not sure I’m brave enough to take yet
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