We all do it. Those little social habits we’ve picked up over the years that we think are helping us connect, impress, or just get through awkward conversations.
But here’s the uncomfortable truth I’ve learned after interviewing over 200 people for my articles: some of these behaviors are quietly undermining how others see us.
I discovered this the hard way when a close friend finally told me that my constant need to analyze everything was exhausting. “Sometimes I just want to vent,” she said, “not solve the problem.” That conversation opened my eyes to how many subtle behaviors can chip away at our social standing without us even realizing it.
The tricky part? These habits often feel protective or even helpful in the moment. But they’re actually creating invisible barriers between us and the respect we’re hoping to earn.
1. Always trying to one-up other people’s stories
You know that person who always has a better story? Someone shares about their weekend hiking trip, and they immediately launch into their tale of climbing Kilimanjaro.
A colleague mentions their kid’s soccer game, and suddenly we’re hearing about their child’s three championship trophies.
I had to end a friendship with someone who constantly competed with me professionally and personally. Every achievement I shared became a launching pad for their supposedly bigger accomplishment. It was exhausting.
This habit stems from insecurity, but it reads as arrogance. When we constantly redirect conversations back to ourselves, we’re essentially telling others their experiences don’t matter as much as ours. People stop sharing with us, and eventually, they stop engaging altogether.
2. Apologizing for everything
“Sorry, can I just ask a question?” “Sorry for bothering you.” “Sorry, I might be wrong, but…”
Does this sound familiar? Excessive apologizing might seem polite, but it actually signals low confidence and can make others uncomfortable. When we apologize for taking up space or having opinions, we’re training people to see us as less capable and less deserving of respect.
And here’s what happens: colleagues start bypassing us for important projects, friends stop asking for our input, and we inadvertently position ourselves as less competent than we actually are.
3. Being glued to your phone during conversations
We’ve all been there. Mid-conversation, our phone buzzes, and our eyes drift down. Just a quick peek, we tell ourselves. But that momentary glance speaks volumes.
What we’re really communicating is that whatever’s happening on that screen is more important than the person in front of us. Even if we’re still technically listening, that divided attention creates distance. People feel devalued, and over time, they’ll invest less in their relationship with us.
The most successful people I’ve interviewed share a common trait: they make whoever they’re talking to feel like the most important person in the room. That’s impossible to do with a phone in hand.
4. Humblebragging
“I’m so exhausted from my promotion – now I have to manage twice as many people!” “My biggest weakness? I’m such a perfectionist that I work too hard.”
Humblebragging, that awkward attempt to boast while appearing modest, fools no one. Studies have shown that people actually prefer straight-up bragging to humblebragging because at least bragging is honest. When we wrap our achievements in false modesty, we come across as both arrogant and manipulative.
The irony? Genuine humility paired with quiet confidence is far more impressive. People respect those who can own their accomplishments without needing to broadcast them constantly.
5. Gossiping about mutual connections
Nothing tanks your credibility faster than being known as the office gossip or the friend who can’t keep confidences. When we share others’ secrets or talk negatively about people behind their backs, we’re teaching everyone around us that we can’t be trusted.
Think about it: if someone gossips to you about others, what are they saying about you when you’re not around? This realization makes people keep us at arm’s length, sharing only surface-level information and excluding us from deeper relationships and opportunities.
6. Never admitting when you don’t know something
I used to think that admitting ignorance would make me look incompetent. So I’d nod along when topics came up that I didn’t understand, hoping no one would ask me a direct question. But pretending to know things we don’t actually understand is a dangerous game.
Eventually, we get caught. And when we do, we lose far more credibility than if we’d simply said, “I’m not familiar with that, can you explain?” People respect intellectual honesty. They trust those who can acknowledge their knowledge gaps and show genuine curiosity to learn.
7. Constantly complaining without taking action
We all know someone who complains about the same problems week after week, month after month, yet never does anything to change their situation. Maybe we’ve been that person ourselves.
Chronic complaining without action signals to others that we’re victims rather than agents of change. It’s draining to be around, and it positions us as people who create problems rather than solve them. Leaders and successful people gravitate toward those who identify issues and then propose solutions, not those who wallow in negativity.
8. Interrupting or talking over others
When we interrupt, we’re essentially saying our thoughts are more important than theirs. It doesn’t matter if we’re excited, passionate, or think we know where they’re going with their point. Cutting someone off mid-sentence shows disrespect and poor emotional regulation.
I learned this lesson when I discovered my social anxiety wasn’t obvious to others because I’d masked it with preparation and questions. But in my nervousness, I’d sometimes jump in too quickly, cutting people off in my eagerness to contribute. Once I became aware of this pattern, I realized how much it was undermining my relationships.
Final thoughts
These habits don’t make us bad people. Most of them develop as coping mechanisms or misguided attempts to connect. But recognizing them is the first step toward building more authentic, respectful relationships.
The good news? Once we’re aware of these behaviors, we can consciously work to change them. It won’t happen overnight, but each small adjustment adds up. Replace one-upping with genuine curiosity about others’ experiences. Swap excessive apologies for gratitude. Put the phone away and be present.
Our social habits shape how others perceive us far more than we realize. By letting go of these status-lowering behaviors, we create space for genuine connection and earned respect.
