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I remember sitting in my warehouse job in Melbourne, mindlessly shifting TVs from one pallet to another, when it hit me. Here I was, university degree in hand, doing everything “right” by conventional standards, yet I felt completely drained. Not from the physical work, but from all the mental energy I was wasting on things that genuinely happy people had figured out years ago.
That realization sparked a journey that eventually led me to found Hack Spirit. And after years of studying happiness, mindfulness, and what makes people truly fulfilled, I’ve noticed something fascinating: the happiest people I know aren’t doing more than the rest of us. They’ve actually stopped doing certain things that most of us still pour our energy into every single day.
Here are seven energy-draining habits that genuinely happy people gave up years ago.
1) Trying to control other people’s opinions
You know that feeling when you replay a conversation in your head, wondering if you said the right thing? Or when you craft the perfect Instagram post, hoping everyone will approve?
Yeah, I spent most of my twenties doing that. The constant mental gymnastics of trying to manage what everyone thought about me was exhausting. And here’s the kicker: it never actually worked.
The happiest people I know? They stopped this game years ago. They realized that trying to control other people’s opinions is like trying to herd cats in a thunderstorm. Completely futile and unnecessarily stressful.
Instead, they focus on being authentic. They say what they mean, do what feels right to them, and let the chips fall where they may. Sure, not everyone likes them, but they sleep better at night knowing they’re being real.
The energy you save when you stop performing for an invisible audience is incredible. You can actually use it for things that matter, like building genuine relationships or pursuing meaningful goals.
2) Chasing perfection
There’s this myth that happy people have it all figured out. That they’ve achieved some state of perfection where everything flows smoothly.
Total nonsense.
In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I explore how the pursuit of perfection is actually antithetical to Buddhist philosophy. The concept of wabi-sabi teaches us to find beauty in imperfection.
Happy people embraced this years ago. They stopped waiting for the perfect moment to start that project. They stopped needing their house to look Instagram-worthy before inviting friends over. They stopped postponing joy until they reached some imaginary state of “having it all together.”
Instead, they adopted “good enough” as their mantra. Not in a lazy way, but in a liberating way. They do their best with what they have, then move on. No endless tweaking, no paralyzing self-doubt, no energy wasted on unattainable standards.
3) Comparing their behind-the-scenes to everyone else’s highlight reel
Social media has turned comparison into an Olympic sport. And most of us are competing whether we realize it or not.
But here’s what happy people figured out: everyone’s struggling with something. That couple with the perfect vacation photos? They might be on the verge of divorce. That friend with the dream job? They could be battling anxiety every morning.
When you stop comparing your internal reality to other people’s external presentation, something shifts. You stop feeling inadequate about your messy kitchen while scrolling through someone’s perfectly staged dinner party. You stop questioning your career choices every time someone posts about their promotion.
The energy you reclaim from not constantly measuring yourself against others is massive. You can use it to actually improve your own life instead of just feeling bad about it.
4) Holding onto grudges
I used to be a champion grudge-holder. Someone wronged me? I’d replay it in my mind for months, sometimes years. Each mental replay was like picking at a scab, keeping the wound fresh and painful.
But carrying grudges is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick. Happy people realized this truth long ago and decided to put down that particular burden.
This doesn’t mean they became doormats. They still set boundaries and protect themselves from toxic people. But they stopped wasting precious mental energy on rehearsing arguments with people who probably forgot the incident even happened.
Letting go of grudges isn’t about the other person. It’s about freeing up your own emotional bandwidth for things that actually enhance your life.
5) Living in the past or future
My mind used to be anywhere but the present. I’d obsess over past mistakes or worry endlessly about future scenarios that never materialized. It was exhausting, like running on a treadmill that never stopped.
Happy people broke free from this time-travel trap years ago. They realized that the past is unchangeable and the future is largely unpredictable. The only moment they have any real power over is right now.
This doesn’t mean they don’t plan or learn from mistakes. They do. But they don’t live there. They make their plans, learn their lessons, then come back to the present where actual life is happening.
The mental energy saved by not constantly time-traveling is extraordinary. You can actually enjoy your morning coffee instead of mentally rehearsing that meeting next week.
6) Fighting their own emotions
Recently, I read Rudá Iandê’s new book “Laughing in the Face of Chaos: A Politically Incorrect Shamanic Guide for Modern Life”, and one insight particularly resonated with me. As he puts it, “Our emotions are not barriers, but profound gateways to the soul—portals to the vast, uncharted landscapes of our inner being.”
This completely changed how I view my anxiety. Instead of fighting it, I started seeing it as a messenger trying to tell me something important.
Happy people stopped waging war against their emotions years ago. They don’t try to positive-think their way out of sadness or shame themselves for feeling angry. They acknowledge what they’re feeling, explore why, and then decide how to respond.
The energy you waste fighting your emotions could power a small city. When you stop resisting and start listening, that energy becomes available for actual problem-solving and growth.
7) Saying yes when they mean no
People-pleasing is an energy vampire that most of us invite into our lives willingly. We say yes to that committee we don’t want to join, that favor we don’t have time for, that social event that fills us with dread.
Happy people broke this pattern years ago. They realized that every yes to something they don’t want to do is a no to something they actually care about. Their time and energy are finite resources, and they’ve stopped squandering them on obligations that don’t align with their values or goals.
This doesn’t mean they became selfish. They still help others and contribute to their communities. But they do it consciously, not compulsively. They’ve learned that a thoughtful no is often kinder than a resentful yes.
Final words
Looking back at that warehouse job, I realize it was exactly where I needed to be. The gap between having a degree and feeling fulfilled taught me that happiness isn’t about adding more to your life. It’s often about subtracting the things that drain you.
The genuinely happy people I know aren’t special. They don’t have easier lives or fewer problems. They’ve just stopped wasting energy on battles that can’t be won and burdens that don’t need to be carried.
The beautiful thing is, you can start dropping these energy drains today. Pick one that resonates with you and experiment with letting it go. Notice how much lighter you feel, how much more energy you have for things that actually matter.
Because at the end of the day, happiness isn’t about perfection or having it all figured out. It’s about being intentional with your energy and choosing where to direct it. And that’s something we all have the power to do.
