Honestly, I caught myself last Sunday night doing that thing again. Sitting at the kitchen table with a notebook, writing out a plan for the week, the month, the rest of the year, and somewhere around the third bullet point I realised the handwriting looked exactly the same as a list I’d written maybe two years ago. Same goals. Slightly different wording. Same earnest little underlines.
Look, I keep thinking about this. We make plans and set goals and promise ourselves that this year, this month, this Monday, everything changes. And then somehow we end up right back where we started, wondering why the universe seems to have us on repeat. Same type of partner, just with a different face. Same job energy, even after we swore the new one would be different.
The problem isn’t the plan. It’s not the willpower or the motivation or even the circumstances. The problem is that the version of you making all these plans is the same version that built the life you’re trying to escape. If your current mindset could solve your problems, wouldn’t it have done so already?
The architect of your own prison
When I was in my mid-20s, I found myself working in a warehouse shifting TVs in Melbourne, feeling completely lost despite having done everything “right” by conventional standards. I’d followed the script, checked the boxes, but there I was, spending my breaks hunched over my phone, desperately reading about Buddhism and mindfulness, searching for answers.
The irony wasn’t lost on me. Here I was, using the same anxious, overthinking mind that got me into this mess to try to think my way out of it.
It’s like trying to clean a dirty window with a dirty cloth. You’re just smearing the problem around.
Most of us approach change from our current level of consciousness. We use our existing beliefs, fears, and patterns to create a “new” path forward. But that’s like asking a fish to describe dry land. Your current self can only see solutions through the lens of its own limitations.
Why your patterns keep repeating
Ever wondered why people who grow up in chaotic households often create chaos in their adult lives, even when they swear they want peace? Or why someone who’s always been the responsible one can’t seem to stop taking on everyone else’s problems? Honestly, it’s because we’re trying to solve problems from within the very framework that created them. During my warehouse days, I battled constant anxiety and an overactive mind, always worrying about the future, regretting the past, never present in the actual moment I was living. And guess what my solution was? To worry harder about how to stop worrying. To think more about how to think less.
Brilliant strategy, right?
The Buddhist concept of samsara describes this perfectly. It’s the cycle of suffering we create by responding to life from our conditioned patterns. We’re not just stuck in bad situations; we’re stuck in the mental loops that keep recreating those situations.
The transformation paradox
So how do you escape a prison when you’re both the prisoner and the guard?
The answer isn’t what you think. It’s not about making better plans or trying harder. It’s about fundamentally shifting the consciousness from which you operate.
In my book, “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego”, I explore how Eastern philosophy teaches us to step outside our usual mental patterns. It’s not about fixing the old you; it’s about accessing a different you altogether.
This sounds abstract, but it’s actually quite practical. Instead of asking “What should I do differently?” start asking “Who would I need to become for this problem to no longer exist?”
See the difference? The first question keeps you in problem-solving mode. The second invites transformation.
Breaking free from your default mode
Your brain has a default mode network. It’s the autopilot that kicks in when you’re not actively focused on something. This network is responsible for your habitual thoughts, your go-to emotional responses, and yes, those patterns you keep repeating.
When you try to change your life from this default mode, you’re essentially asking your autopilot to fly somewhere it’s never been. No wonder you keep ending up at the same destination.
The key is to interrupt this default mode. Meditation does this. So does learning something completely new. Travel can do it. Even something as simple as taking a different route to work can start to shake up those neural pathways.
I remember reading about a study where participants were asked to brush their teeth with their non-dominant hand for two weeks. This simple act of breaking routine actually increased their self-control in completely unrelated areas of their lives. Why? Because it forced them out of autopilot.
The beginner’s mind approach
In Zen Buddhism, there’s a concept called “Shoshin” or beginner’s mind. It’s about approaching life with fresh eyes, free from the preconceptions that usually guide our decisions.
What if you looked at your problems as if you’d never seen them before? What if you forgot everything you “know” about what’s possible for you?
When I was stuck in that warehouse, feeling lost and anxious, I learned through Buddhist teachings that my suffering came from attachment to expectations. I was so attached to who I thought I should be that I couldn’t see who I actually was, let alone who I could become.
Your 20s confusion? It’s normal. Feeling lost doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re ready to let go of an outdated version of yourself.
Practical ways to shift your consciousness
Changing your consciousness sounds great, but how do you actually do it? Here are some approaches that have worked for me and countless others.
First, seek experiences that challenge your worldview. Read books from cultures completely different from yours. Have conversations with people whose lives look nothing like yours. Your current problems can’t exist in a radically different context.
Second, practice observing your thoughts without being them. Look, this is what mindfulness is really about. You’re not trying to change your thoughts; you’re trying to see that you are not your thoughts. There’s a you beyond the mental chatter, and that’s the you that can create real change.
Third, do things that scare you a little. Not dangerous things, but things that push you outside your comfort zone. Every time you do something your current self would never do, you’re literally becoming someone new.
Finally, question your stories. We all have narratives about who we are and what we’re capable of. “I’m not a morning person.” “I’m bad with money.” “I always attract the wrong people.” These aren’t facts, they’re stories. And stories can be rewritten.
Conclusion
The truth is, you can’t think your way into a new life using old thoughts. You can’t feel your way there with familiar emotions. And you definitely can’t plan your way there from your current level of awareness.
Real change requires you to become someone who doesn’t have your current problems. Not because you’ve solved them, but because the new you operates from a completely different paradigm where those problems simply don’t compute.
This isn’t about becoming a different person. It’s about accessing the deeper, wiser, more expansive version of yourself that’s been there all along, waiting patiently beneath the noise of your conditioned mind.
Stop trying to fix your life from the inside out. Instead, step outside the whole game. Look at it from a new vantage point. Approach it with fresh eyes and an open mind.
The part of you that created your current reality has done its job. It got you this far. But if you want to go further, you need to hand the reins to a different driver. One who sees roads your current self doesn’t even know exist.
Your problems aren’t actually problems. They’re invitations to evolve. The question is: are you ready to accept the invitation?
