As a mom of many, meaning four children or more, I’ve heard my fair share of judgmental comments when I take my six children shopping for groceries or on any outing. Expecting a new baby also comes with its fair share of unsolicited comments.
Sometimes it’s a simple curiosity about whether I’m expecting more than one baby or a question about due dates. When questions dip into the area of parentage, however, both the person being asked the question and the one asking are stepping onto treacherous grounds, which can quickly lead to an unpleasant encounter.
After posting a question about judgmental comments to BabyCenter, moms who are due soon have offered up some cute, some sassy, and some downright impolite questions or comments they hear while out with their more prominent families. Here are the top ten that were worthy of even replying to.
1 – “You Do Know How Babies Are Made, Right?”
This question is meant to be cute and, most of the time is generally said in good humor. However, it can be a bit offensive when dealing with women who’ve had multiple babies, especially if they are pregnant. If you know the woman personally, you may better be able to gauge her reaction. When dealing with a stranger, though, it can be best to leave the question unasked, as many women can read this as a judgment of their parenting and return an answer in kind.
2 – “No One Ever Told You Two Is Enough?”
The owner of Realm of Inspiration had run into this one, especially when she became pregnant with her fourth child. She’s pretty laid back and says that if she chooses to respond to people, it’s usually a smile and a “thank you” or something like, “Yes, we’re very blessed.”
Commenting on the number of children someone has is almost always bound to backfire unless your comment is a simple congratulations. I should warn my readers to expect serious backlash from mothers who don’t have time to indulge your perspective.
3 – “Have You Heard of Birth Control?”
One mother is expecting her 5th soon and has heard this and other judgemental comments in the same vein. Commenting on whether or not a woman chooses to use birth control is a very quick way to set someone off. First, you don’t know whether she does or doesn’t use birth control.
And considering the average person isn’t privy to the medical information of strangers, making your opinion known on a mother’s preference for birth control isn’t likely to end well.
4 – “Haven’t You Ever Heard of Netflix and Chill?”
One person was asked this question and isn’t the only one to have been asked about TV. She’s adamant that “cable wouldn’t make a difference.”
Truthfully I’m not sure what TV has to do with the number of children people decide to have. As adults, we all know how babies are created, and never have I heard someone mention that TV was a viable form of birth control.
5 – “Do They All Have The Same Dad?”
One first-time mother said that while no one has asked her this to her face, she did catch an old landlord on camera voicing the question in poor taste.
There is likely no other question to get under a mother’s skin than to ask if her children all have the same father. First, it is no one’s business but hers, and secondly, it’s extremely presumptuous of the asker to assume that just because a woman has a lot of children, they don’t all have the same parents.
6 – “How Old Are You?”
When you don’t have many children, people make judgments based on age and other statistics.
While 38 is considered an “advanced maternal age,” plenty of women have babies past 35. Whether you’re having your first, second, or eighth child after age 35, you will get comments about your age.
7 – “Now You Can Finally Be Done.”
This comment can come along if someone thinks the number of children you have is excessive or of a range they can’t comprehend.
It can also come along if you happen to be a mom whose children lean heavily toward one sex over another. I have five daughters and one son. Another person is the opposite, with five boys, and is expecting her first daughter soon.
The comment shows ignorance on the part of the person saying something. First, you have no idea if that particular mother plans to have any children after her current pregnancy. You also don’t know if there was any gender disappointment or issue with her fice boys before her girl came along.
8 – “You’re Crazy!”
This comment usually comes from people who can’t imagine caring for so many children or being part of such a large family.
Someone who’s an only child might not be able to fathom having so many siblings. And parents with one or two children might not be able to consider the idea of having five or six children.
You can expect close relatives to say this comment as they know you; they may think their opinions matter, and they are more likely to speak their minds than a stranger you run into.
9 – “You Must Have Your Hands Full.”
This comment usually comes from strangers who don’t know what else to say when they see a large family. When moms or dads go out with their larger broods, people imagine the work that must go into just getting out of the house and know ‘instinctively’ that it must be an undertaking.
They’d be right, for the most part. To think, however, that parents of many don’t do anything else outside of parenting is just more ignorance from people who don’t understand why someone would want more than the average 1.94 children in American households in 2022.
10 – “You’re So Brave.”
This comment is usually said by other mothers who are pushed to the limit by their smaller brood of children. For women that have one or two children and don’t want any more than that, seeing a mother with four or six children can be shocking and a bit overwhelming.
This statement isn’t meant so much as an insult or judgment as it is an honest expression of someone not knowing how a mother of so many gets anything done.
The Grand Scheme
Anyone who’s had a child knows exactly what it’s like to be a parent. What parenting looks like, however, can be so wildly different. So many variables go into what a parenting experience is like that sometimes one child is enough. Sometimes it’s three or four or seven.
Deciding the number of children to have is completely up to the person who’s responsible for caring for each of them in turn. That doesn’t give anyone the right to make snap judgments about a person simply because of the number of children they have. Though I imagine that’s never stopped someone from doing it anyways.
Do you come from a large or small family?
Source: Babycenter.