Ever feel like you’re constantly saying “sorry” for things that don’t actually warrant an apology? Yeah, me too.
I used to be that guy who apologized for everything. Sorry for taking up space. Sorry for having an opinion. Sorry for needing time to myself. It was exhausting, and honestly? It was slowly eroding my sense of self-worth.
Here’s what I’ve learned: some things in life simply don’t require an apology. In fact, apologizing for them can actually diminish your authenticity and give away your personal power.
Today, we’re diving into eight things you should stand firm on, no apology necessary. These are the boundaries, choices, and parts of yourself that deserve to exist without justification.
Ready to stop over-apologizing? Let’s go.
1. Setting boundaries with toxic people
You know that friend who always drains your energy? Or that family member who constantly crosses the line?
Setting boundaries with them isn’t mean. It’s necessary.
I remember feeling guilty about distancing myself from someone who’d been in my life for years. They were constantly negative, always had drama, and somehow their problems always became my problems. When I finally set clear boundaries, they tried to make me feel terrible about it.
But here’s the thing: protecting your mental health isn’t something you apologize for. You’re not responsible for managing other people’s reactions to your reasonable boundaries. If someone makes you feel bad for having limits, that’s usually a sign you made the right call.
Your peace of mind matters. Full stop.
2. Your past mistakes
We all have chapters we’d rather not read out loud. Trust me, I’ve got plenty.
But constantly apologizing for who you used to be? That’s like driving forward while staring in the rearview mirror. You’re going to crash.
In my book, “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego,” I talk about the Buddhist concept of impermanence. Everything changes, including us. The person who made those mistakes isn’t the same person reading this right now.
Learn from your past, make amends where genuinely needed, then move forward. You don’t owe anyone perpetual apologies for mistakes you’ve already learned from. Growth requires letting go of who you were to become who you’re meant to be.
And anyone who keeps bringing up your past mistakes after you’ve grown? They’re telling you more about themselves than about you.
3. Saying no without a detailed explanation
“No” is a complete sentence. Write that down. Seriously.
You don’t need to provide a dissertation on why you can’t attend that event, take on that project, or lend money. Yet so many of us feel compelled to justify our “no” with elaborate excuses.
I used to tie myself in knots trying to explain why I couldn’t do something, worried that a simple “no” would offend. Then I realized something: the people who respect you will respect your “no” without needing a PowerPoint presentation.
Whether it’s declining a social invitation because you need downtime or turning down extra work because your plate is full, your “no” stands on its own. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for protecting your time and energy.
4. Your success and accomplishments
This one hits close to home. When Hack Spirit started gaining traction, I dealt with serious imposter syndrome. Who was I to give advice? Why should anyone listen to me?
I found myself downplaying my achievements, adding qualifiers like “I just got lucky” or “It’s really not that big of a deal.” Sound familiar?
Here’s what I’ve learned: you worked for what you have. You earned it. Whether it’s a promotion, a personal achievement, or finally getting your life together, you don’t need to minimize your success to make others comfortable.
Some people will feel threatened by your growth. That’s their issue to work through, not yours to apologize for. Celebrate your wins. Own them. You’ve earned the right to be proud of how far you’ve come.
5. Taking time for yourself
In our hustle culture, taking time for yourself can feel like a cardinal sin. But self-care isn’t selfish, despite what that toxic productivity mindset wants you to believe.
Need a mental health day? Take it. Want to spend your weekend doing absolutely nothing? Do it. Choosing to prioritize your well-being over another commitment? Good for you.
I’ve noticed that the people who get upset when you take time for yourself are usually the ones who benefit from you being available 24/7. They’re not concerned about your well-being; they’re concerned about their convenience.
You can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking time to recharge isn’t just acceptable; it’s essential.
6. Your feelings and emotions
“Sorry for being emotional.” “Sorry for feeling this way.” “Sorry for caring too much.”
Stop. Just stop.
Your feelings are valid, period. Whether you’re angry about injustice, sad about a loss, or excited about something others find trivial, your emotions don’t require an apology.
In “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego,” I explore how acknowledging our emotions without judgment is key to inner peace. Apologizing for feeling is like apologizing for being human.
Feel what you feel. Express it appropriately. But never apologize for having emotions. The people who make you feel bad for having feelings are usually the ones who haven’t dealt with their own.
7. Your life choices
Not married by 30? No kids? Chose a non-traditional career? Living in a van and traveling the world?
Cool. None of that requires an apology.
Your life path doesn’t need to match anyone else’s template. I spent years feeling like I had to justify why I chose writing over a more “stable” career, why I was more interested in Buddhism than traditional success markers.
But here’s what I know now: the only person who has to live your life is you. The choices you make about your career, relationships, lifestyle, and priorities are yours alone. Anyone demanding an apology for how you choose to live is overstepping.
8. Changing your mind
Growth means change. Change means sometimes you’ll think differently than you did before.
Maybe you used to be religious and now you’re not. Maybe you switched political views. Maybe you realized that dream job isn’t actually what you want. That’s called evolution, and it’s beautiful.
I’ve changed my mind about countless things over the years. Each shift represented learning, growing, and becoming more aligned with my authentic self. The people who can’t accept that you’ve changed are often stuck in their own stagnation.
You’re allowed to outgrow old beliefs, relationships, and versions of yourself. In fact, if you’re not changing, you’re not growing. And that’s the real tragedy.
Final words
Here’s the bottom line: apologizing when you’ve genuinely hurt someone or made a mistake is important. It shows integrity and emotional maturity.
But constantly apologizing for your existence, your boundaries, your growth, and your choices? That’s not humility. It’s self-betrayal.
The world doesn’t need another person shrinking themselves to fit into boxes that were never meant for them. It needs you, fully expressed, unapologetically authentic, taking up the space you deserve.
So next time you feel that reflexive “sorry” bubbling up for one of these eight things, pause. Ask yourself: “Am I actually sorry, or am I just trying to make someone else comfortable with my choices?”
Your authentic self doesn’t owe anyone an apology. Not now, not ever.
